Fail Safe
by aptasi
Summary: Carmen and Ivy make a deal. Takes place towards the end of season four.


Summary: Carmen and Ivy make a deal. Takes place towards the end of season four.

Standard Disclaimer: I'm just a fanfiction writer. All hail the rightful owners.

Content Disclaimer: Swearing, references to violence, and emotional distress.

* * *

In the dark room, as one of the many monitors blinked 3:42 am, a key turned in a lock, guided by a shaking hand. The deadbolt jammed open and grated against the wooden frame. Brimming with vexation and terror, the elegant woman strode towards the control station.

"Damn ball gown…" Ivy cursed under her breath. "Damn prom… damn manners." She hit a button to boot the computer up. "Damn people my own age. Couldn't just let me leave... Where the hell is she?"

The screen flushed.

"Carmen, are you there?" Ivy shouted, holding down the talk button.

Loading…

The heel of her hand jammed forcefully against the button. "Carmen, come on! You're scaring me."

The screen blinked blue three times. Then, it turned black.

"Carmen?"

"Let me find the light switch." A hazy sounding but controlled voice declared. The background lit up, showing what looked like a hotel room, fairly high class, and Carmen, in bright red pajamas with a severe case of bed head. It seemed that she was holding the communicator in one hand and resting on her side.

Ivy gasped out a sound of relief.

When the thief raised her eyes, Ivy noticed that there were slight streaks of crimson through the sclera. "What?" Carmen intoned, with blistering seriousness. "What's wrong?"

"Are you ok?" Ivy asked, a little winded.

Still looking harried, the thief declared. "Yes, I am. Are you?"

Ivy's eyes glinted and she jammed her hands against her satin-covered waist. "I'm fine," She declared confrontationally.

Carmen paused. "Detective," she remarked tartly, scrubbing her eyes against the back of her hand. "I believe you woke me. Was there some reason?"

Making a furious and incredulous sound, Ivy threw her hands in the air and stepped back from the screen.

The thief suddenly acquired a look of concern. "Calm down, Ivy." She ordered, making a pacifying motion. "Whatever it is, we will take care of it."

Wheezing, Ivy sank into the control room chair. "Damn it, Carmen, you scared me."

"Detective, I think you should have some water." Carmen suggested mildly.

Ivy glowered.

Carmen sighed. "How did I scare you?"

"Tonight!" Ivy snapped, slamming her hand against the desk. "There was no heist, no taunting messages, no antics, nothing! What makes you think you can just black out communication like that out of the blue?"

"Well detective," Carmen proclaimed aridly. "Were you not attending that…" She gestured toward the gown with what seemed to be mild distaste, "school dance? I was under the impression that you'd be busy and resent the intrusion and hassle."

"Of course I would! That's exactly why I thought you'd do something." Ivy protested. She bit the side of her mouth. "I thought you were in some kind of trouble."

Carmen chuckled. "Detective I am always in some kind of trouble."

"I mean… don't laugh!" Ivy exclaimed.

Wearily, the thief acceded. "Enlighten me."

Pushing her fingers against her temple, Ivy muttered. "I thought you were captured or hurt or… or dead somewhere."

"Because I didn't bother you for one day?" Carmen sat up and drew her knees towards her core, grabbing at them with one hand.

"Yeah."

The thief stretched her neck, looking defensive. "Evidently I underestimated the complications involved in leaving you to your own devices. Frankly, I thought you'd be more self-sufficient."

"What else was I supposed to think?"

Carmen tapped her hand rhythmically against the nightstand. "Detective, I think that ugly business with Maelstrom may have gone to your head."

Ivy growled. "Maelstrom, Mason, Sara, Lee, Traitor… half the criminal world come to think of it! Why don't you make some actual friends every once in a while? Then maybe I'll get over this expecting-to-see-you-killed complex that is… that is messing me up!" She kicked her high-heeled shoe against the wall.

"Ivy, take deep breaths!" Carmen ordered. "I'm fine…" she snorted in derision, "Never going to get any sleep at the current rate, but otherwise fine."

"Don't you have anything to tell me?"

"As a matter of fact, Detective…"

"Carmen, if you say 'nice dress' or some such thing, I swear…"

"Noted." Carmen said dryly. "Am I permitted to ask how the occasion went?"

The detective rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the flaking mascara out of them. "I spent half of it worrying that you were going to start trouble and the other half terrified because you hadn't."

Casually, Carmen declared. "That sounds exasperating."

"You have no idea." Ivy grated.

"However, it seems to me there was no correct path of action for me tonight."

"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you left Acme!" Ivy exclaimed.

The thief clicked her tongue in obvious annoyance. "There is no mechanism by which I could have foreseen this. You are being completely unreasonable."

"I just want to know if you're safe." Ivy growled, almost on the verge of tears but unwilling to show it. "What the hell is wrong with that?"

Eyebrows arching, Carmen declared condescendingly. "It's none of your business… and clearly makes you lose all sense and composure to boot."

With more self-awareness then she usually tended towards, Ivy wearily muttered. "Yeah well not knowing makes me crazy. I wish there was some way for me to know if there was anything to worry about." It was hurting her head to make the admission, but she felt a bit too out of it to analyze that issue.

Carmen laughed merrily, but Ivy didn't say anything. As the master thief watched the detective, leaning wearily on her hands, face downturned, something stirred on her face that vaguely resembled guilt, or indigestion. "Were you crying?" She asked, in an unusual tone.

"No." Ivy mumbled. "My mascara's just smudged. I hate makeup anyway. I don't know why I wore the damn stuff."

"It looks like…"

"Well your connection is bad!" Ivy exclaimed. "And it's dark in here. Leave it the hell alone."

The felon swallowed and shifted, not awkwardly but not as gracefully as usual. "A dead man's switch perhaps?" She mused, rather unwillingly.

"Well yeah…" Ivy muttered. "Except I'd kinda rather know when I still have a chance of doing something about it."

The thief sighed. "I doubt you'd have any power over the situation either way."

"Hey!" Ivy barked, "You want me to list off your enemies again? I helped you with every single one."

"You don't know the half of it." Carmen remarked darkly.

Ivy's jaw set. The hinge worked slightly at an odd angle.

Carmen turned to face the camera a bit more. "I don't want to get the idea that you're somehow responsible for me, detective."

"Too late." Ivy deadpanned.

"Provided that you want some sort of advance warning, the most difficult aspect of this…" Carmen noted, "Will be finding a consistent variable to indicate distress."

"I don't know… heart rate or something?"

Carmen snorted. "That is the last thing we want to key it to."

"Oh grow up." Ivy retorted.

"What do you want me to do?" Carmen asked acridly. "Check in with you every few hours like a teenager with a curfew?"

Ivy paused. "That's not a bad idea."

The master thief rolled her eyes. "It's a horrible idea."

"Why? It's easy for you to hack the system. Just buzz in and say you're not dead, every once in a while."

"This is consummately unhealthy for you…"

The sarcastic answer was immediate. "How about that?"

"And unethical besides…"

"Seriously? You pick now to grow a conscience? You don't care about ethics."

"You do."

"Yeah well, I'll get over it."

"If you insist…" Carmen emitted a classical long suffering sigh. "Shall we say every eight hours?"

Narrowing her eyes in suspicion, Ivy suggested. "How about every four?"

"Do you have some sort of personal vendetta against sleep?"

"Do you ever actually get eight hours of sleep? I know I don't."

"Touché…" Carmen admitted dryly. "However I do occasionally go to places without internet access and I would hate to have you call in the National Guard merely because I overslept. Not that they've had any luck finding me before, mind you."

Ivy grunted.

"To say nothing," Carmen continued. "Of the copious globs of emotional distress you are apparently capable of conjuring at the slightest…"

Hissing, the detective kicked the wall again.

"Detective, if you're going to insist on constantly doing that, you should at least remove those expensive shoes."

Reaching for her heels, the girl muttered sourly, "You're lucky I can't throw them at you."

"An interesting strategy, I'm sure." Carmen remarked snidely.

"Why are you agreeing to this?" Ivy asked suspiciously.

"Because I want to get back to sleep." The confident voice answered. "And because I have no scruples about reneging on this later."

"You wouldn't dare…" Ivy growled.

"Why not?" Carmen remarked cheerfully. "I subvert expectations."

The agent was far from pleased with such logic. "I get that breaking promises is kind of what you do, but if you go off the grid without warning me, Carmen, I swear…"

Carmen made an assuaging hand gesture. "Noted… I would hate to be responsible for a major cardiac event."

"You do not get to act like this is some great imposition." Ivy snapped defensively. "I have to put up with this from my mother all the time."

Carmen's jaw tightened. "I am not familiar with this… social construct."

"Yeah well… it wouldn't be fair."

"What wouldn't be?" The question came across fairly contemptuous.

Quietly the detective clarified. "For you to be the only person in the world who doesn't have to put up with people worrying about them."

The master thief laughed rhythmically. "What a quaint argument detective. It shows how naïve you truly are."

"You are going to do this." Ivy said, in a way that approached an order, though perhaps aimed at herself.

"Certainly." Carmen said in a sing-song voice, punctuating the remark with a slight shake of her head.

Ivy bit her lip. She fought with herself, ethics and sympathy eventually capitulating to worry and exhaustion. Truth be known, she just couldn't take it anymore. "Carmen if you don't…" She said in a low and serious tone. "I will…" she swallowed to force the words forward, "start doing what you've been doing."

Carmen looked a bit unsettled, but rolled her eyes nevertheless. "You'll steal monuments and start an international organized crime ring?"

"I will put myself in danger, disappear at random intervals, and refuse to tell you if I'm safe." Ivy clarified softly. She was actually shivering, angling herself away from the screen to try and hide the impact. Her posture bore the brunt of years of the same problem. Physically, in these situations, no matter what Ivy did, it had the effect of attacking herself.

"That is ridiculous!" Carmen exclaimed, her voice a half-step higher than its usual pitch.

"Oh so now you can do that but I can't." Ivy's voice came out throaty, and just barely audible, as though it were caught on something.

"I am the…" Carmen stammered. "The adult!"

"Please." Ivy said sharply, offended. "I'm not a child anymore. I'd be going away to college in a month if I could find a school you wouldn't steal."

"I would not make off with your university." Carmen contemptuously announced. "One or two campus landmarks perhaps…" She admitted grudgingly, after a moment.

Despite herself, Ivy felt distracted, and laughed.

"I do hope I haven't interfered with your education, detective." Carmen said airily.

Ivy noticed a hint of concern on her rival's face. "Don't worry there are a lot of good schools within commuting distance of San Francisco. Apparently, I write a good essay so…"

"May I inquire as to the lucky institution?" Carmen asked, smirking.

Ivy sighed. "When I decide, I'm sure you'll know." Before Carmen could comment, she added. "And I tell my mother the same thing so you'd better…"

Carmen raised her hands in a placating gesture. "Understood."

Ivy waited for a moment so the lighthearted divergence could fade, and then repeated. "I mean it, Carmen."

"Mean what?" Carmen said flatly.

"I will… sabotage myself. If that's what it takes to get through to you."

Carmen's timbre proclaimed total disbelief but the tightness around her chin gave a more ambiguous impression. "You'd do… that?"

"And it'd just kill you." Ivy said darkly.

"You intend to keep me safe by threatening me with harm" Carmen mocked, but there was a minute waver in her voice.

"If it works." Ivy said, swallowing hard.

Agent and felon locked gazes for a moment, locked in their very oddly organized standoff. Ivy almost fell over with shock when Carmen broke the stare first. "I might as well. It was my intent to organize something like this from the start of our conversation. This version is less imposition than most."

Ivy was skeptical, but too relieved and drained to want another run at the problem. "Why?" She said weakly, in spite of her tiredness.

"Because you…" It was rare for the master-thief to have such trouble with phrasing. "Made yourself ill. It would be foolish to risk your health over such an inconsequential thing. Besides I could use the hacking practice."

"So you'd risk my health over something you thought was important, but not this?" Ivy muttered bitterly.

"I'd have to think about it."

Ivy grunted.

"I'll keep my word." Carmen admitted. "This time at least."

"You had better."

Carmen leaned toward the screen. "Detective?" She said gently.

"Yeah?"

"Go home." The thief's voice was soft. "It's late, and your family will worry."


End file.
